I would like to thank that young man sitting next to me on the bus today for the wonderful “music” I was forced to listen to. It was such a nice experience. I mean, first of all, I LOVE taking the bus. In addition to the various types of body odors that tickle my olfactory senses, the large backpacks that knock me over, I love hearing the music all the young kids are raving about nowadays. It makes me feel connected to the little gremlins.
There’s no way I would even think for a moment how that was the furthest from my type of music. I love hearing F-bombs and the way women are perceived as sluts. Their grasp of the English language is just so astounding. Surely their knowledge of linguistics is far beyond my own and that’s why I can’t understand what they’re saying.
There’s no way, young man, you should have known how tired I was. I wasn’t going to nap on the bus, that would be silly, and why would I enjoy the peacefulness, the quiet, the soft hum of voices around me. It wasn’t like I had anything to think about. I wasn’t trying to schedule my day or anything.
So dear, young man, thank you once again for allowing me to listen to your “music” for a whole half an hour.
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