Sometimes It’s Best Not To Think

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While planning a trip to Florida, I thought about how fantastic it would be to just move here instead of staying for a few short days.  I had been to Florida before.  It was a long time ago during Spring Break and I’d rather not talk about.  Anyway, I think it’s a beautiful state but I would think that coming from a place that sees snow ten months out of the year and upon hearing the words, “Polar Vortex” we think, gee, it’s going to get a bit nipply out here.

Florida seemed like a logical place to live.  No snow.  Warm temperatures. There’s an ocean all around.  There’s humidity.  Let’s talk about the humidity.  I hate it.  I never get used to it.  I was born and raised in a place where humidity is unheard of.  It was a thing of fantasy and when people talked about it I couldn’t relate.  All I could do was look out the window at the dust bowl that was my back yard.  I watched dirt tornadoes rolling across the wheat field.  I had been watching my dog run away for three days it was so flat and barren.  No humidity there.  They said the Great Depression ended in the 1930s but I was sure we were still feeling the effects.

It’s cloudy today and the whether man said it wasn’t really raining but it was misting.   The mist felt a little warm on my face but nothing was warmer than the heavy air that hit me much like the heat hits me when I open the oven door.  The temperature is reasonable, it’s the feels like temp that I think they’re downplaying a bit.  It is a cool 62 out but the humidity makes it feel like the depths of hell.  Enjoy your vacation people, you’re going to be hot, sticky and all around feeling like you’re in a sauna.  Good day.

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Passwords

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I hate how my web browser has this pop up that asks me if I’d like it to save my password.  I’d like to reply and say it’s not my computer so….no I would not like to save it.  I even have reservations about saving all my passwords on my own computer.  It’s a big convenience.  Seriously.  Who doesn’t want to sign in to gmail without having to remember which password you used.  On my own computer I had everything saved.  I could just use my mind to go to a website I was so in sync with my computer.

Then that hacking incident happened all over the country.  People had their Social Insurance Numbers stolen.  Tax information was stolen.  It was so bad the Revenue Canada website shut down.  I started thinking if someone had my computer, how easy would it have been to just take all my information right from there.  All you have to do is type in one letter to my email and the whole name pops up.  Hit tab to the password and it fills it in for me.  Crazy how scary that is.

Luckily I don’t have my own computer.  I’m borrowing this one.  Still, I’m getting annoyed by the pop ups of Do you want to remember your password.  Screw you buddy.  I’ll hide my passwords in my brain.  It’s so hack proof sometimes I can’t even access it.

Why I’m Afraid To Meet My Hero

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It’s been said, never meet your hero.  They are never the way you expect them to be.  Sometimes they’re jerks, other times they completely ignore those around them…I’m sure the list can go on.

So when I heard Lainey Lui, better known as Laineygossip for her gossip column, was coming to town, I’ll admit I had some apprehension.  I have been watching her on television, reading some of her blog, finding that she was a rather interesting person offering some of the same views as me.  We both don’t want children. We both hate people. And she is honest.  She will honestly tell you why your opinion is wrong and hers is right.  There’s no sugar coating and I admire that in a person.

She wrote a book recently and I guess she’s going on a book tour.  Is that what this is? Anyway, I have the opportunity to see her in person and that’s not the part that makes me nervous.  It’s the part where she’ll probably have a book signing.  I might have an opportunity to say a few words to her and what if I don’t like her?

I know she won’t care.  She’ll just say whatever she desires and if she upsets one person out of the many, why should she care?  It will be me that will be disappointed because I think she has a lot to offer this world.  She is someone I am proud to share this country with.  Maybe I’ll just be the creeper that stands in the corner hoping no one notices me.  Yeah, that will work.

Spring?

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I stepped in a puddle today because that’s just what kind of day it was.  One of those the streets are flooding and there’s nowhere for the water to go.  Did I mention at the bottom of this puddle there was mud? I was sure I was able to put the winter boots to rest.  They’re clunky and they’re too warm. If the exhaustion from wearing them doesn’t get me, the sweaty socks do.

The running shoes were much lighter.  I felt my feet leap for joy.  They said, “Oh boy, spring is here!”

Until I stepped in the puddle.  It was cold. I broke through the thin sheet of ice that was sitting on top. Icy water seeped into my shoe. My toes curled up from the drop in temperature. Bubbles rose to the top and I knew I was supposed to take my foot out…my brain was telling me to do so but there was a mix up in the signal. I left it in there for a few seconds longer while I slowly muttered to myself.

They were nice shoes. Brightly coloured. Now one was covered in goopy, gross, poo coloured mud. I hate spring.

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No One Believes Me

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I’m not going to sugar coat this because there is nothing to sugar coat.  It’s the reality of my life.  I am taking a break from my more lighthearted posts to talk about something that is very dear to my heart.  Endometriosis is a silent pain that no one seems to understand and every woman out there should understand it.

I never knew I had it.  For years I suffered with this pain that I thought every woman had gone through.  Every month it was the same thing.  For days I laid in my bed, curled up in the fetal position, tears streaming down my face and praying for the day when it would all be over.  It wasn’t just cramps.  Cramps can be treated with pain killers.  It can be eased with a hot bath, some good food, and a bit of exercise.  Sure it sucks having cramps but we all go through it, right?  We go about our day like normal and we live with it.  Cramps are just one of those things we go through as women.

I remember taking medicine religiously.  As soon as the cramps started I took a pill.  Four or six hours later I took another pill.  I did it for days until I didn’t need to take those pills again.  I tried it for months to no avail.  I started out with simple medication, Tylenol, Advil.  Soon I had to move on to something a little stronger.  Midol.  I tried generic brands.  Brand names. Nothing had been working.  I spent a lot of money buying heating pads, those rice heating bags that you stick in the microwave.  I took hot baths.  The hottest I could stand and I would take them three or four times a day.

But nothing worked.

Maybe I just had to live with it.  I knew other women lived with cramps so I could too.  Besides everyone just kept telling me it wasn’t that bad.  We all have cramps and everyone else can live with them, why can’t you?  Exactly? Why can’t I?  I had to fake it all the time.  I had to go to school and to work just like everyone else.  I looked sick.  My face was pale and I lacked the energy and good humour I usually had.  When people asked me what was wrong, I just told them I had the flu or something.  Something other than that dreaded word…period.  No one could possibly understand why I had to miss work because of my period.  People worked through it all the time.

More years had passed.  My cramps were getting worse if that was even possible.  I wasn’t just ill for a few days each month, I was ill for weeks at a time. the cramps were almost constant and I was researching new concepts online.  What was going to fix my cramps?  I went to the doctor hoping for something a little stronger that I could take.  She performed a few examinations in case there was a bigger problem than just cramps.  Test after test, nothing was coming up.  It was suggested I use an IUD which seemed like a good idea at the time.  I had already tried oral contraceptives but they didn’t agree with me.  The IUD was supposed to be the next best thing.

It worked for a few months.  I thought it was a God send.  I was free of cramps for a few short months.  And then even that didn’t work.  I got a second one put in.  The first started to slip and that was probably why it wasn’t working anymore.  My doctor was confident another would work.

A few months had gone by.  There was hope.  You know how you’re so happy about something.  Just elated and you think the happiness will never end.  And then something happens and suddenly all that joy is taken away?

I went for an ultrasound one day to check for cysts.  I had them but we had to see if they were causing any problems.  The cysts were not causing any major problems, they weren’t getting larger, they weren’t leaking but the IUD was another story.  It was embedded in my uterus.  I had to have surgery to remove it.  My hope for having painless periods was over.  After it was removed I just waited for another period to come knowing I’d be in bed for at least a week unable to move.

I was growing more and more frustrated with how the doctors were unable to find something wrong with me.  Why was it so hard to see?  Why couldn’t they fix me?

There was light at the end of the tunnel when one doctor suggested I had endometriosis.  It was a word I had heard before.  I knew all about it but I was never quite sure I had it.  The only way to diagnose endo is surgery.  If it’s present doctors will then burn off the lesions with a laser.  It’s not a cure, it’s a treatment.  The endo can come back.  It usually does come back and when it does, the surgery is almost for sure going to make you infertile.  The scar tissue builds up, blocks fallopian tubes, sits in your uterus like an uninvited guest. I had one surgery so far.  The lesions were burned and I felt great.  The pain I had was minimal and I could finally function as a human being during my period.  I felt great knowing I was like other woman, working through my period wasn’t a problem.

What could be better?

I would be better if the endometriosis never came back.  A year later and it has.

It’s a pain no one will understand.  They all think I have my period too, suck it up it’s not that bad.  Here’s the reality.  When you go into labour, chewing on your ice chips and wondering how fast the doctor can come with the epidural…just think, some women go through that every month.  There is no epidural. There is no relief.  There is no cure.

Not an April Fool

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I feel bad that no one was able to trick me today being as it’s April Fool’s day and I am surrounded by fools.  I feel bad that I saw through the tape covering the sensor on the TV.  I feel bad that I saw through the saran wrap over the toilet bowl.  But I hope everyone enjoyed the cheese juice I left in the fridge.

The reason I don’t get tricked or pranked if you prefer, is that I’m always thinking two steps ahead of the competition.  If I had a secret to share it would be to make the other people think you forgot what day it was.  Make them think you have nothing planned because they will be so cocky about getting you, they won’t even realize they’re walking right into your trap.  You have to act as normal as possible.  I know it’s a hard thing to do but you have to try.

Running into another room to “talk” with someone is the first give away.  The walls have ears and unless you’re talking in code, someone is probably going to hear you.

The only way you can work with someone on a prank is if you trust them with your life.  You are so in sync that you finish each other’s thoughts on a regular basis.

Pick a prank that hasn’t been done over and over again.  Be creative.  Don’t be afraid of being a little mean because it’s the only day you can do it.

Symphony to the Ears

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I would like to thank that young man sitting next to me on the bus today for the wonderful “music” I was forced to listen to.  It was such a nice experience.  I mean, first of all, I LOVE taking the bus.  In addition to the various types of body odors that tickle my olfactory senses, the large backpacks that knock me over, I love hearing the music all the young kids are raving about nowadays.  It makes me feel connected to the little gremlins.

There’s no way I would even think for a moment how that was the furthest from my type of music. I love hearing F-bombs and the way women are perceived as sluts.  Their grasp of the English language is just so astounding. Surely their knowledge of linguistics is far beyond my own and that’s why I can’t understand what they’re saying.

There’s no way, young man, you should have known how tired I was. I wasn’t going to nap on the bus, that would be silly, and why would I enjoy the peacefulness, the quiet, the soft hum of voices around me. It wasn’t like I had anything to think about. I wasn’t trying to schedule my day or anything.

So dear, young man, thank you once again for allowing me to listen to your “music” for a whole half an hour.

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Dog Eat Dog World

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Sometimes I wonder…okay, always I wonder what my dog is thinking when she looks at me.  She usually catches me in a compromisable situation, like on the toilet, where she will sit there and grunt.  I know she doesn’t know what I’m doing. At least I like to think she doesn’t but I always feel awkward when she sits in front of me and begs to jump on my lap. Now is not the time. Please go away.

We shouldn’t feel ashamed when our dogs watch us go to the bathroom.  I mean, we do it too. We stand there holding the leash waiting for them to finish.  Meanwhile, we’re getting the baggy ready and doing the most disgusting thing on earth…we are picking up their poop.

I used to think thousands of years ago we had successfully trained dogs to be our loyal companion.  Our protector. Our best friend. But how strange is it to think that dogs have maybe trained us?  We feed them regularly sometimes better than we feed ourselves. They have access to clean drinking water on a daily basis. We exercise them but it’s not really exercise in their eyes, it’s fun time.  We groom them. We pet them. We give them a warm place to live. Who’s really benefiting from that situation?

I’m looking at my dogs right now. What are they doing? Sleeping. They’re curled up in their respective sleeping spots, dreaming of squirrels and bones while I do everything else. I have to cook dinner. I have to clean the house. I decided I want to be a dog.

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Gwyneth, The Working Mom?

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http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/gwyneth-paltrow-this-working-mothers-open-letter-to-the-actress-who-claims-being-a-film-star-is-harder-than-working-a-95-is-amazing-9221301.html

Gwyneth Paltrow has a big mouth.  If you haven’t read the article in the link I provided above I’ll give you a minute to do that now because you’ll have to have some background information before reading this post.

Have you read it? Good.  I’ll continue.

I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt by saying she meant well.  She was trying to compare her work to those “normal” people who have that dream ‘9-5’ job.  Here’s what she says, “When you’re shooting a movie, they’re like, ‘We need you to go to Wisconsin for two weeks,’ and then you work 14 hours a day and that part of it is very difficult. I think to have a regular job and be a mom is not as, of course there are challenges, but it’s not like being on set.”  No because as we all know, waiting around on set is nothing like waiting for your boss to finish that proposal so you can go home and pick up your kid before the daycare starts calling your emergency contacts.

Here’s another quote: “I think it’s different when you have an office job, because it’s routine and, you know, you can do all the stuff in the morning and then you come home in the evening. 

I worked in an office for a non-profit company a while back and I remember working very hard to get my work done in the morning because I wanted the afternoon to nap.  As we all know, things never work out that way.  I ended up getting what I needed done but then I was given a surprise right before lunch that kept me at work for an extra half hour.  I missed my lunch and I never was able to finish my coffee.

The best reaction was the letter Mackenzie Dawson wrote at the end of the article about how “wonderful” Gwyn’s comments were.  If you didn’t make it that far down in the article I’ll give you a minute to go back and read it.  It’s quite funny. Finished? Let’s move on.

While us “average” people will never know what it’s like to work on a movie set, earning millions of dollars for those 14 hours a day, Miss Paltrow also doesn’t know what it’s like to have a 9-5 job with a child at home.  She doesn’t know what it’s like to call in sick to work because your kid is sick and knowing you’re not going to get paid that day so you have to adjust your budget to reflect that fact.  She doesn’t know what it’s like to have to work two jobs because you’re a single parent and you have to pay for some stranger to take care of your kid.  Not a nanny, no you can’t afford one of those.  You pay for a daycare in the shady part of town.  You don’t take holidays because you can’t afford to.  You get home from your job and you struggle with dinner because you are so exhausted from trying to not get fired at your job.

She has no idea what it’s like to wonder if you can make the rent that month, or the mortgage.  You wonder how long you can survive on minimum wage.

So Gwyn, next time you want to compare yourself to the working mom, do us all a favour and just shut up.

Drinking

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I made myself a drink today…before noon because I can and because it’s Friday.  It’s not the first time I’ve had a drink before noon and it probably won’t be the last.  Sometimes it’s just called for.

I don’t see a problem with people starting to drink at earlier hours in the morning providing it doesn’t interfere with their lives.  if you’re not working, you have the luxury of drinking when you want. If you’re an adult, you have the luxury of drinking when you want. What I don’t agree with is the principle that minors think they can follow the same rules as adults when it comes to drinking.

First of all, if you can’t legally buy it, you can’t legally consume it. That includes alcohol, cigarettes, and fireworks,  While fireworks should not be consumed, it might be useful if we sort of ignored that fact.  We could weed out a lot of intelligently deficient people.

There are a whole list of problems that come with kids drinking when they’re still kids.  They’re stupid enough sober so let’s make them more stupid when they’re drunk. You know that problem with teen pregnancy? Ask those girls how they got pregnant and I’m sure the majority of the stories will start with, “I was at a party and got drunk….”

Let’s also remember that kids have no idea what the consequences of drinking are.  Ask them.  I’m sure you won’t hear words like “Well, the chances of me developing alcoholism go up ten fold. I become dependent on a substance that I think will numb my feelings. I become a slave to this depressant. I will pee myself at least once. I will call ex-girl/boyfriends and will look like an idiot on social networking sites like Facebook.  When I get my first job I will refuse to work Friday and Saturday nights because I will prefer to go party than to actually develop skills that will help me when I obtain a career.”

They will also think it’s not a big deal because everyone drinks.

While I don’t know what the exact statistics are, I am sure they are not at 100%  There are kids out there who do not drink, do not do drugs, and do not randomly select a specimen to have sex with.  They get a girl pregnant/get pregnant and we go right back to why kids should not drink.

If you’re a teenager reading this and thinking to yourself, damn this person is an idiot.  Well, think again because my frontal lobe has fully developed and my brain has finished growing so I am smarter than you.  Drinking and drugs cause damage to an undeveloped frontal lobe.  Google it and find out for yourself.  You might actually help yourself if you don’t rely on someone else to do the work for you. Once that frontal lobe has been damage, it won’t fix itself. You will be mentally stuck it whatever age you were when it was damaged.  Smoked pot at 14? Your brain will forever be 14. Get it? Good.

So kids, the moral of the story is stay away from drinking. If you can’t wait until you are legal age to start then you shouldn’t be allowed to drink ever.