Germ Factory

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I couldn’t tell if it was allergies or a cold but considering the amount of time I spent in the Germ Factory I was sure I contracted the Bubonic Plague.

I had been sneezed on, coughed on, spit on, and pooped on by a tiny little, microbe infested human.  Sure, she had been put in my care, I was responsible for her from the hours of 7 until 4 but I had not signed up for bacteria.

The tissues had been used up in the last Germ Factory Epidemic.  We burned through three boxes and four rolls of toilet paper.  I was told the toilet paper wasn’t as cushioning soft as I thought it was so each wipe felt like sandpaper.  My nose turned into a red, dried out organ that ceased to function as it was meant to.

My throat hurt and I felt my body slowly shutting down, laughing at me because I thought it was just allergies.  I spent the entire day telling myself I needed to rest but knowing the dishes weren’t going to wash themselves, the dust needed to be wiped from every flat surface, the dogs needed to go outside at some point, and dinner needed to be made.

Lucky for me my evening schedule was clear and I could rest.  Right?  Right?

Despite everyone being home, I still had to do the dinner dishes, clean up after a meal that was supposed to be quick and painless, the dogs still needed to go out at some point, and the sheets needed to be put on the bed.

Oh the night, my sanctuary, my safety. Crawling into bed was going to be the end of this torture.  I had taken all the cold medications I was legally allowed to take.  My body was slowly shutting down into it’s restful and peaceful state where it was magically able to heal itself.

I was only able to breathe through one nostril. I turned several times clearing each side hoping I was able to fall asleep before I noticed the nostril blocking again.

It was never meant to work that way.  I don’t know what time I went to bed but I remember the sun creeping back up.  One day I know I will be free of the Germ Factory and it will feel so nice.

Hump Day. Really?

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Do you ever get the feeling that your Wednesday feels a lot like a Monday?

Mondays are bad enough. You wake up feeling more tired than usual because you spent the weekend maybe drinking or staying up later than your eight o’clock bedtime.  Coffee is your best friend and you swear it would be easier to inject the caffeine right into your veins. Everyone is cranky on Mondays because, like you, they had a couple nights of staying up past their bedtime so they’re a little cranky. Nothing seems to work out.

On Tuesday you’re just relieved it’s not Monday.

Wednesday comes and you realize you’re only halfway through the week. You still have Thursday and Friday to get through before you can sleep in on Saturday.

But do you really sleep in on Saturday? No because you’re wired from all the coffee you drank all week and you’re stressed because the kids are home and while you really do love them, they start to get cabin fever and drive you crazy because it’s winter and it’s too cold to be outside.

Take a breath, sit down, have a drink or two because you still have Sunday. Sunday could be a good day except for the fact that you have to go to bed early because Monday is coming faster than you want it to. Now you get to start the week all over again.

Extra! Extra! Homosexual Now Offensive

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New York Times writer, Jeremy W. Peters wrote a piece titled: The Decline and Fall of the ‘H’ Word, meant to explain that the word, homosexual is now taboo. We’re not allowed to use it anymore because as George Chauncy, a Yale Professor of history who studies gay and lesbian culture, has said, “Homosexual has the ring of ‘colored’ now, in the way your grandmother might have used that term…”

What?

My grandmother used a lot of “colorful words” to describe the African-Canadian family that lived next door.  One of the words she used starts with N.  Now that is a word that’s offensive.  If my grandmother called me a homosexual I wouldn’t have a problem with it. The problem with the ‘N’ word, or the word ‘colored’ is they have always been plain old racist.  The word homosexual is actually scientific.  It means SAME SEX.  It means two boys or two girls get together.

I have a problem with glaad (The Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) putting “homosexual” on their offensive list.  I like glaad. I’m a supporter, member, I like what they do, blah, blah, blah. But are they really speaking for all homosexuals…er I mean, gays when they say homosexual is offensive? I like the word. It’s fun to say. It’s like heterosexual but that’s not offensive, is it? Is there a group that also deems heterosexual as offensive?

What I’m gathering from this article is the main reasons why homosexual is offensive is because:
1. The word homosexual has the word SEX in it (OMG!). “Gay doesn’t use the word sex. Lesbian doesn’t use the word sex. Homosexual does.” -George P Lakoff, professor of Cognitive Science at the University of California, Berkeley.
2. It also contains the word ‘homo’ which is derogatory. Just like HOMOsapien so watch out.
3. And as I’ve stated above, glaad says it’s a naughty word so we’re not allowed to use it anymore.

If we are going to be banishing the word homosexual, we have to also ban the word homosapien, heterosexual, and any animal that partakes in homosexual activities in the wild will now be referred to as gay or lesbian sex.

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They Got Me, Timmie

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As a typical Canadian I enjoy my Tim Horton’s coffee. I also like their doughnuts, bagels, and those cute little cookies they sometimes have. Recently Timmie’s relaunched their Roll Up The Rim promotion where you order a hot beverage in one of those litter encouraging cups, roll up the rim where hopefully you haven’t been drinking from (rolling up a soggy rim takes more effort than launching a space shuttle into space), and hoping…just hoping that you win the car. Maybe you’ll win big money and take that vacation you’ve been wanting.  Most of the time it’s just a coffee or a doughnut.  More often than that the cup politely reminds you to play again.

Today I got a free coffee. I was elated. Don’t ask me why but I was overly excited to be getting a free coffee. Maybe it’s the ingrained love of Tim Horton’s that I have. They showed their appreciation for me by giving me something for free. Maybe it’s that conception we have that anything we get for free is exciting. I’m sure there’s a scientific explanation for this. We all like free things. “Free pen?” “Sweet…”

Now, I hope more for the free coffee than the $5000 they’re trying to give away. I wouldn’t know what to do with a lot of money and would probably end up spending it on useless things. Coffee though, I know exactly what I’d do with that.

Thank you Tim Horton’s for keeping my standards low and not making me depressed when I lose the big items.

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